Top Reasons Why I'm Grateful For Being Diagnosed With Cervical Cancer

I've thought long and hard about whether or not to write this post. I'm sensitive those who have been touched by cancer, and I'm concerned that this post may offend some people. We are all very different - each and every one of us - and that's one of the elements what makes this world such a wonderful place. So this post is simply my experience with cancer. In no way do I expect or believe that others on a similar walk (or "battle") should feel the same way I do. We all have different bodies, different coping mechanisms, and different backgrounds. I have friends who are downright angry about having cancer. I have friends and loved ones who are, for lack of a better word, pissed that I am having to deal with cancer.  I love and respect all of them and their experiences immensely. So just as I respect them and their choices, I ask that you respect me and mine.  I ask this because I am the opposite of angry or pissed about being diagnosed with cancer, I am, in fact, grateful beyond measure.  Here's why, in no particular order:

• All of my friendships and relationships are stronger and richer now.
• I get to fall in love with my husband all over again.
• I love myself more.
• People know me better.
• My family is making friends with my friends.
• I've met and had the privilege of being treated by some of the greatest medical professionals in the world. (I'm talking to you: Dr. Greenburg, Dr. Banta, Dr. Danforth, Debbie, Hopi, Aunt Kathy, Tim, Pam, Rachel, Shelby and Lisa.)
• I have an instant bond now with thousands and thousands of people, simply because we've all been touched by cancer.
• My life has more meaning.
• I get to inspire people.
• I get to make a difference in a new way.
• I get a free Brazilian for the duration of my treatment. (Not exactly a Brazilian, but I haven't had to do any grooming down below thanks to radiation.)
• I'm learning how to stick up for myself.
• I found Wonder Woman and Mr. Clean
• Both my sisters were able to come visit me from out of state. My dad has been down three times and my mom is coming out at the end of March. Wow! I love them and have missed them so much!
• I'm inspired to create a new dance fitness class for cancer patients and caregivers, free of charge. (Give Charlie a call at Party On! Fitness for details: 760-668-6245.)
• I get to cry tears of gratitude on a daily (mostly hourly) basis.
• Red lights don't matter. Weather doesn't matter. Most stupid things I used to complain about are completely irrelevant to me anymore.
• I'm learning how to blog and am thrilled that people are touched by my words.
• My dad is proud of me.
• My mom is proud of me.
• My husband is proud of me.
• My sisters and brother are proud of me.
• I think I'm awesome! (Not conceited awesome, but awesome like someone I'd want to be friends with.)
• I'm empowered.
• I got licensed to teach Zumba Sentao while I was going through chemo and radiation treatment - and I completed the class!
• Flowers are more beautiful to me now.
• If joy were a needle in a haystack I know I could find it.
• Only excellent, super amazing people are showing up in my life (that means all of you reading this).
• I've gotten more quality time with my cats.
• Although we've always been close, my family has gotten even closer through this experience.
• Johanna Sanches rocks my world.
• My Zumba family has held me so tightly I've felt safe every step of the way.
• No cooking, no cleaning for six weeks straight! (Not that I did much anyway, but this time it's been guilt-free!)
• (I don't even have to clean the cat box.)
• I'm getting to know my family in Iowa that I hadn't really known since I was seven years old.
• I listen to myself. 
• I trust myself to do what's best for me.
• I get to celebrate two birthdays every year.
• I'm a better Reggaeton dancer because I can finally feel the music!
• Everyday is a reason to celebrate!

This list is just the start. I'll keep adding to it as ideas pop into my head.

Again, I apologize if this post offends anyone, that is not my intention. I just want to share that I have gotten more out of being a cancer patient than cancer has gotten from me.

Love and Light,

Laurie

P.S. - If you'd like to leave a comment, it'll be much easier if you go here instead of trying to do it through Blogger. If the link doesn't work, just go to:
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Simply scroll to the bottom of the update you want to comment on and hit "comment." I love hearing from you. You're love keeps me alive!

Cervical Cancer Is Giving Me Multiple Personalities

I consider myself to be a genuinely nice person...sometimes so nice there have been times in my life where I felt more like a doormat than a human being. It takes a lot to make me angry. I don't have a "Mom" voice. The idea of having to discipline another person is out of my realm of comprehension.  I always thought my inability to discipline is why God never gave me children. He tried giving me two cats, who have taught me unconditional love, but they know no rules and have no boundaries. I didn't pass the "Hey, you're going to do what I tell you to do" test. That voice has been one I've heard from various people in my life, but never once had I heard it from myself.  That is, until cancer decided to set up shop in my cervix and lymph nodes.

I've got two new friends living inside my body I never knew were there.  And I love them. Here's how I found them.  Monday (2/4/2013) I woke up feeling great! If you read my last post, "Your Prayers Are Working," you'll know why.  I went to my radiation treatment where the techs gave me a new nickname: "Happy Hour!"  I was feeling really strong and very much like my healthy Self.

Because I'm going through chemotherapy, I get my blood drawn once a week to make sure I'm healthy enough to take in the Cisplatin. I've got my favorite "vampire" at the lab because she's always had success with my veins. I was happy to see her, but this time my veins didn't cooperate. She finally got one, but it was not without a lot of pain, bruising, and frustration.

I used to have bad veins, but ever since I started working out they've been awesome. Since the doctors do not want me to get my heart rate up I'm no longer exercising, but I diligently I stay very hydrated and bring a blanket to keep myself warm - two tips I learned to make blood draws easier. Lately, however, that hasn't been enough for success with the chemo IV's or or the blood draws. It's a strange sensation. My mind fully believes I am already completely healed, but my body doesn't respond the way my mind feels.  So when the blood draw became such a challenge, and I was only heading into week two of treatment, I freaked out a little bit. I got scared that my body was already going downhill this early in the game. I was also really sad thinking "this is just the beginning." Suddenly, I felt a feeling I don't recall ever experiencing organically.  It was strong and thunderous and determined. And it said in a very commanding voice: "Not fear, FIERCE!"

That's when I met her:  my inner Diva! Oh how I love this woman within me. She sizzles with fire. She walks tall and proud in giant platform heels like there are a thousand men walking behind her, and she owns every word she says. She even uses cuss words! And she is determined to stomp any cancer cell out of my body. She says all day long, "This is my house! You don't belong here!" Then she stomps, kicks, flicks her long sexy hair back with her arms crossed in front of her Amazonian body and says, "Now get the f*ck out!" (Author's side note:  Just so you know, prior to discovering my Diva, the only four-letter word I used in a derogatory way was "Math!") Anyway my Diva loves powerful Flamenco music and Reggaeton. She hits it hard and with passion and she is taking no prisoners. Honestly, if I were a cancer cell, I would be afraid to come anywhere near this body. So for all my sweet friends who want to kick their doormat status to the curb, I hope my Diva inspires you. With apologies to my dad, here she is:

Along with my Diva, I also discovered a Drill Sergeant living within my body. I call him "Mr. Clean" because he looks just like Mr. Clean from the commercials. He's got a reddish face, a shiny bald head, Schwarzenegger-like physique, and he yells. Mr. Clean only comes out when I find myself worrying about chemo, and he just has one thing to say shout:

CHEMO?  We Eat Chemo For Breakfast!!!

I'm not making this stuff up, you guys (and I'm not on any pain meds either), these voices really are part of the new, improved, Laurie!

Thanks for all the love! You, my friends and family, are saving my life with your support! I love you all.

PS - To all my Diva friends out there, I'm challenging you to a Diva Dance-Off once the cancer sh** is out of the way!  I'm talking to you: Michael Burgos.

P.S. - If you'd like to leave a comment, it'll be much easier if you go here instead of trying to do it through Blogger. If the link doesn't work, just go to:
https://www.mylifeline.org/lauriethrives/default.cfm?page=myupdates.cfm
Simply scroll to the bottom of the update you want to comment on and hit "comment." I love hearing from you. You're love keeps me alive!